Ok so my TTC buddy, V, suggested we start posting weekly weigh-ins on our blogs, as a wak to stay accountable.. so im going to give it a shot.
Starting Weight/current weight/goal weight?
261(heaviest recorded)/243/175
68lbs to go!
2. How much weight have I lost this week?
up 2 actully. :-/
3. What eating plan are you following?
Paleo Diet
4. What kind of exercise have I engaged in over this past week? How many hours?
gym today for about an hour. and helping a friend move(that should cound for something)
5. How was I successful this week ?
I made it to the gym once...thats about it!
6. Any slips or set backs this week?
ALL WEEK LONG! It's been a bad week for my diet! Getting back on the wagon tomorrow.
7. My motivation for losing weight this week?
I had a 'normal' cycle last cycle! a textbook perferct 28 days. so im hoping to stay healthy and repeat that again!
8. Wild Card!!!
I feel horrible about cheating all week long! ANYTIME I cheat, I feel guilty that I'm not doing what I need too for my family, like I'm being a bad mother already.
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Friday, May 25, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Reminder You're Not a Mother Day.
So I know I haven't updated in awhile, since Eric's exciting sperm news. But with with it being Mother's Day ...I felt like some therapeutic blogging was in order. Mother's Day is hard for a many people... mothers who have lost children, children who have no mother in their lives or anyone who has lost their mother. And people easily understand why this day is hard on them. But there is another group who also dread Mother's Day, and people don't seem to think about them or understand why this day upsets them. Yes people, I'm talking about those of us who are childless, and not by choice. It's cool, I didn't truely understand until this year...
Last year a close friend of my who was about a 1 1/2 years TTC at the time had a mini-break down. I tried my best to comfort her, but I was only a few months into TTC at the time, so I'm sure I wasn't much help. I remember thinking, and probably saying something to the effect of "well it will be better next year, we'll both have babies or at least be pregnant by next mother's day" OH TO BE NAIVE!
Unfortunately, another Mother's Day is here and the both of us, along with many other lovely ladies that wish night & day for a baby are still, babyless.
This year I understand my friend's break down. Being at about a year and a half now, the thought of a childless Mother's Day really stings. Knowing I will not hear "Happy Mother's Day", get flowers from my DH, or little hand print pictures from kidlets, Hearing everyone wishing each other 'Happy Mother's Day' in Sunday School in the morning will be a reminder that we are the only childless couple in the class. During the service all the mother's will receive roses and the sermen will surely be about something pertaining to Mother's Day. I'm sure there will be some sort of statement made to the effect of what a "blessing children and motherhood" is which will undoubtedly make me want to go to the bathroom and ugly cry, and then there is also the heightened threat of someone asking when we are going to have kids. Can you tell I'm already a little on edge!?
The main reason, to be, that this is going to be a hard day is that in some ways I feel like a mother already. I know this sounds crazy, but I plan for, sacrifice for, and love my children, even though they are not conceived yet. I spend my time researching ways to conceive these babies, I take nasty vitamins and herbs. I have pretty much cut out sugar, carbs, caffeine, and alcohol to better control my PCOS so I can get knocked up. I take metformin, which makes me violently sick. I wake up at 5am every morning to take my temp and pee on OPKs daily to try to track my ovulation (except for right now since we are still on a 'break'). All of this just for a chance to the called 'Momee'. I've planned so much already from a birth plan, to the type of cloth diapers i want to use, even the the names for 3 girls and 2 boys. Now all i need is the babies for all these plans.
my friend sent me this poem awhile back that I thought i would share with everyone for Mother's Day. It really is the perfect explanation of how I, and most infertiles feel on mother's day.
Happy Mother's Day”
it comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
So Happy Mother's Day to every woman. Whether you have kids or are still on your journey toward motherhood. Empty arms are hard, especially on this day, so if you know a woman struggling with infertility, make her arms not empty for a second by giving her a hug!
Here's to hoping things will be different next year.
ALSO... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOMEE, I LOVE YOU, you're the best!
Last year a close friend of my who was about a 1 1/2 years TTC at the time had a mini-break down. I tried my best to comfort her, but I was only a few months into TTC at the time, so I'm sure I wasn't much help. I remember thinking, and probably saying something to the effect of "well it will be better next year, we'll both have babies or at least be pregnant by next mother's day" OH TO BE NAIVE!
Unfortunately, another Mother's Day is here and the both of us, along with many other lovely ladies that wish night & day for a baby are still, babyless.
This year I understand my friend's break down. Being at about a year and a half now, the thought of a childless Mother's Day really stings. Knowing I will not hear "Happy Mother's Day", get flowers from my DH, or little hand print pictures from kidlets, Hearing everyone wishing each other 'Happy Mother's Day' in Sunday School in the morning will be a reminder that we are the only childless couple in the class. During the service all the mother's will receive roses and the sermen will surely be about something pertaining to Mother's Day. I'm sure there will be some sort of statement made to the effect of what a "blessing children and motherhood" is which will undoubtedly make me want to go to the bathroom and ugly cry, and then there is also the heightened threat of someone asking when we are going to have kids. Can you tell I'm already a little on edge!?
The main reason, to be, that this is going to be a hard day is that in some ways I feel like a mother already. I know this sounds crazy, but I plan for, sacrifice for, and love my children, even though they are not conceived yet. I spend my time researching ways to conceive these babies, I take nasty vitamins and herbs. I have pretty much cut out sugar, carbs, caffeine, and alcohol to better control my PCOS so I can get knocked up. I take metformin, which makes me violently sick. I wake up at 5am every morning to take my temp and pee on OPKs daily to try to track my ovulation (except for right now since we are still on a 'break'). All of this just for a chance to the called 'Momee'. I've planned so much already from a birth plan, to the type of cloth diapers i want to use, even the the names for 3 girls and 2 boys. Now all i need is the babies for all these plans.
my friend sent me this poem awhile back that I thought i would share with everyone for Mother's Day. It really is the perfect explanation of how I, and most infertiles feel on mother's day.
Happy Mother's Day”
it comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
So Happy Mother's Day to every woman. Whether you have kids or are still on your journey toward motherhood. Empty arms are hard, especially on this day, so if you know a woman struggling with infertility, make her arms not empty for a second by giving her a hug!
Here's to hoping things will be different next year.
ALSO... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOMEE, I LOVE YOU, you're the best!
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