Houston we have...

SPERM!

This morning I talked to the RE about E's results and though they could be better...she said they were average!! I'm not going to lie, for the past nearly 4 years since Eric and I have been together I've worried about the effect of this cancer treatments on his fertility. Even when his Oncologist assured us that there shouldn't be an issue... I was still nervous.

I'm a happy girl right now! It's a huge weight off our shoulders now that we know he's not part of the issue. On the other hand, now I know its all me... the ball is in my court and it's time to get serious.We are quickly approching a year and a half now and i'm ready to be done with this TTC crap for awhile!

I've lost a few pounds since starting the Paleo Diet. I've also noticed an increase in energy!! I've have horrible sugar and carb cravings though, like hardcore, wet-dream type of cravings. lol. Hopefully those will go away soon or i might kill someone!

Well that's about all I have to update for now!! BYE!

Don't Ignore... PCOS.

Ok, so to stick with NIAW's theme of "Don't Ignore Infertility" I decided that a "Don't ignore PCOS" post was appropriate.

I want to start off my saying that all infertility, no matter if its due to PCOS, Endometriosis, Male Factor or even unexplained IF is hard. My IF journey is the most difficult and emotional ordeal I have ever been through. All forms of infertility need research and support. However, with PCOS being the leading cause of IF in woman (affects 1 in 10 women) research and awareness are critical. PCOS is more than a fertility issue, it can cause a vast array of issues from mood swings, acne, hirsutism (excess hair growth), to more serious issues such as depression, diabetes, endometrial cancers & heart attack.

I ignored my PCOS symptoms for a lot longer than I should have, through out my teens my cycles were very irregular, if i got them at all. From age 17-19 I didn't even have a period, why I didn't go to the Dr...I'm not really sure... scared, I guess. And before that I would go months or a year without a cycle at all. I wish I would have seen the Dr. then because if i had my PCOS could be under control by now, making it easier to conceive.

There are many signs and symptoms of PCOS, and I urge anyone that is experiencing these or any other 'lady issues' to seek medical advice.
 Symptoms of PCOS include:
-Few or absent periods (especially if you have 6 or less periods a year)
-Heavy, irregular bleeding
-Acne
-Other skin issues such as skin tags and dark velvety skin patches under the arms on the back of  the neck, in the groin area and occasionally knees and elbows
-Hair loss from the head and/or irregular hair growth on the body
-Depression
-Weight gain & obesity, especially around the abdomen
-Difficulty losing weight, even with diet and exercise
-Repeat miscarriages
-Difficulty getting pregnant (after 1 year of trying)

Don't ignore these symptoms, the sooner you get to the Dr. and get diagnosed, the sooner and can start treatment and get your PCOS under control and the earlier you catch it the easier it can be to manage (there is no cure). Also like I said earlier, if you are having ANY 'lady issues' see your Dr. even if they are not PCOS related they can still be serious and have an impact on your health and fertility.

Furthermore,  if you get diagnosed with PCOS or have already been diagnosed...DON'T IGNORE YOUR PCOS! Though there is no cure for PCOS, it can be well managed with meds, diet, and exercise. Some woman can actually clear them selves of symptoms completely with proper diet & exercise. They key to PCOS weight loss is a low carb/ low GI type of diet (IE. Atkins, South Beach, etc.) Also the Paleo diet is suppose to work WONDERS for PCOS, it is the diet I'm currently on per orders of my herbalist. I've only started it a few days ago so i can't say how its working, but I've read and head lots of good things about it. Also, weight-baring exercise is good for PCOS due to the fact that building muscle helps increase the metabolism. Not caring for your PCOS can lead to more weight gain, high blood pressure and cholesterol which increase your risk of heart attack and stroke, diabetes, and many other issues. Bottom line, take care of yourself.

The last thing I want to talk about in this post, even though I think I will be posting a lot this week on similar topics, is don't ignore the fact that the infertility cause by PCOS (and many other issues) is a REAL problem. People sometimes think that infertility is not a real issue due because "it won't kill you" or "worse things could happen". Like I've already discussed PCOS can lead to some very real health conditions and Endometriosis can too. But in addition the psychological effects of infertility a numerous. Coming to terms with the fact that you may never be able to have children is devastating, especially for women who spend their entire childhood playing house with baby dolls, pretending to be mommies. I know personally I wanted to be a lot of different things growing up... an ice skater (until my my pointed out to me that ice skaters don't have big boobs, and i decided having big boobs was more important PS: i was 8 at the time), a rock star, and actress, and I'm sure the list goes on but one thing that has never changed is that I wanted to be a Mom. Always, from my earliest memories. Now i'm sure many of you are thinking 'just adopt'...which is a legit option that we have considered. We want to adopt even if we can have biological children, we both would still love to adopt a child or 2.
However, for you non-infertiles. Think about how excited you were when you found out you were pregnant, and when you went to ultrasound appointment. Try to remember the joy you felt when you felt your baby move inside of you for the first time and how completely in awe you were when you baby was born and you got hold him for the first time and see that he had your eye and daddy's nose. I want that, I want that more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. I want to be able to bring a life into this world that is half me and half  my wonderful, loving husband. So 'just adopting' isn't that simple, aside from the reason I just laid out its also can be a long and expensive process. Also, NEVER under any circumstance, EVER EVER EVER tell someone who is struggling with infertility to "just relax" and it will happen. Especially women with  a documented medical reason for their infertility, such as PCOS. Relaxing will not make them magically ovulate!

So, what's the moral of the story kids?
-If you think you might have PCOS or any other lady issues----go see a Dr. SOON, don't ignore your symptoms!
-If you have been diagnosed with PCOS----take care of yourself, don't ignore your health!
-If you know someone who struggles with PCOS or infertility of any sort----Don't ignore or dimiss their feelings and NEVER EVER EVER tell them "just relax"

TTC-cation update.

So I thought I would come update since I haven't really done that in a while, with the exception of my Easter candy rant!

Basically out TTC-cation isn't going as well as I had hoped. I fell off the 'diet and gym wagon' BAD! I'm trying to climb back on but this fat girl just can't seem to catch up! I can't stop think about TTC and its doesn't helped that I'm on CD50-ish... I'm not really sure because I 'paused' my Fertility Friend subscription temporarily so I can't log on to see what CD I'm on. Anyway.. it's longer that i has been in a while/ longer than I should be, so I'm just about ready to scream. And since I'm not temping I don't know when or if I've ovulated, so I don't know when to expect AF!

I'm about to start a new herbal regiment. Not sure what it's going to be yet, i'm going to be talking to my herbalist tomorrow to see what she's going to recommend. She does want me to stop the Vitex tea that I've been drinking due to that if have negative effects on some woman with PCOS.

I'm also currently debating on if I want to start temping again at the start of next cycle, or if I want to wait until I get to my goal weight before hoping back on the TTC wagon. Also, Eric is going for his check up with his oncologist tomorrow (it should be one of his last appt since he's almost 5 years cancer free!!) and we will hopefully be getting a referral for a sperm analysis so the RE in our area will do one (if you aren't a current patient with them they require a referral for a s/a). Honestly, I'm scared shitless at the though of his sperm analysis results coming back bad, though his Dr. assures us that he shouldn't have a problem due to his cancer treatments, I can't help but think the worst. not to mention there are plenty of men that have sperm issues for reasons not related to health issues.. for all we know he could just be shootin' blanks for no reason what so ever. But it's just really scary to think that the results can completely change everything, if it come back saying he is completely sterile then any hope of us ever having a biological child will be gone and will with have to consider if we want to possibly look in to sperm donation or just skip right to adoption. Also, if it comes back saying he has a low count/ bad motility or morphology then we might be skipping right to IVF cause if he has 'slow' sperm I know they will never find my 1 egg that I ovulate once in a blue moon! lol.
So although I'm being a total negative Nancy, I'm really hoping for lots and lots of good strong sperm!! lol. I guess I'm using what I call hurricane logic "prepare for the worst, but expect the best".

Let me just say...THIS SUCKS. All of it, the fact that the one thing that everyone else seems to be able to do so easily .. I can't. It sucks that my hopes of having a baby to celebrate this Christmas with are gone, crushed by PCOS! I need to have a pity party, with lots of booze! lol.

Easter Candy...

is the devil. For real, it has been my weekness these last few weeks! Need. to. be. strong. and diet.!!!

that is all!

Are you there God?

Its nice to have friends that understand what I'm going through. But at the same time it makes my heart hurt that they have to go through the same things. My best friend has been struggling with IF for over 2 years now, i have an online TTC buddy that has been TTC for about 2 years and know several other ladies that have TTTC (trouble TTC). Its not fair, all of these ladies would make great mothers. So the fact that they (and I) can't, when every other 16 year old or cracked out meth head can pop out a baby a year... just baffles me!

And I HATE when people say that it's just part of 'God's plan'..because I'm almost certain it's not in 'God's plan' for some meth-head to get knocked up and have a baby that is going to be abused or neglected!

I need to start going to meditation again, I think God & I have some issues we need to work out.

Ok. vent over, for now!