TTC-cation update.

So I thought I would come update since I haven't really done that in a while, with the exception of my Easter candy rant!

Basically out TTC-cation isn't going as well as I had hoped. I fell off the 'diet and gym wagon' BAD! I'm trying to climb back on but this fat girl just can't seem to catch up! I can't stop think about TTC and its doesn't helped that I'm on CD50-ish... I'm not really sure because I 'paused' my Fertility Friend subscription temporarily so I can't log on to see what CD I'm on. Anyway.. it's longer that i has been in a while/ longer than I should be, so I'm just about ready to scream. And since I'm not temping I don't know when or if I've ovulated, so I don't know when to expect AF!

I'm about to start a new herbal regiment. Not sure what it's going to be yet, i'm going to be talking to my herbalist tomorrow to see what she's going to recommend. She does want me to stop the Vitex tea that I've been drinking due to that if have negative effects on some woman with PCOS.

I'm also currently debating on if I want to start temping again at the start of next cycle, or if I want to wait until I get to my goal weight before hoping back on the TTC wagon. Also, Eric is going for his check up with his oncologist tomorrow (it should be one of his last appt since he's almost 5 years cancer free!!) and we will hopefully be getting a referral for a sperm analysis so the RE in our area will do one (if you aren't a current patient with them they require a referral for a s/a). Honestly, I'm scared shitless at the though of his sperm analysis results coming back bad, though his Dr. assures us that he shouldn't have a problem due to his cancer treatments, I can't help but think the worst. not to mention there are plenty of men that have sperm issues for reasons not related to health issues.. for all we know he could just be shootin' blanks for no reason what so ever. But it's just really scary to think that the results can completely change everything, if it come back saying he is completely sterile then any hope of us ever having a biological child will be gone and will with have to consider if we want to possibly look in to sperm donation or just skip right to adoption. Also, if it comes back saying he has a low count/ bad motility or morphology then we might be skipping right to IVF cause if he has 'slow' sperm I know they will never find my 1 egg that I ovulate once in a blue moon! lol.
So although I'm being a total negative Nancy, I'm really hoping for lots and lots of good strong sperm!! lol. I guess I'm using what I call hurricane logic "prepare for the worst, but expect the best".

Let me just say...THIS SUCKS. All of it, the fact that the one thing that everyone else seems to be able to do so easily .. I can't. It sucks that my hopes of having a baby to celebrate this Christmas with are gone, crushed by PCOS! I need to have a pity party, with lots of booze! lol.