I tired of the empty room right across the hallway that is sitting there waiting to be used & i'm tired of not wanting to use it for anything else "just in case" we might need it soon. I'm sick of trying to make everyone else happy by doing things that I really don't want to do or not saying things that I really want to say. And over all i'm just physically and emotionally exhausted.
Up until a month or so ago, I thought I was doing pretty good. But here lately I've been quite the bitter Betty. It all started a few weeks ago when a friend of mine, who happened to announce that she was KU with #2 the same day back in Sept when I got my +HPT, announced that she was having a girl. I didn't realize she was that far along, then I realized she was 20 weeks. At that point, I may have lost my shit a little, not that I am not happy for her, her and her DH are great parents. But, it made me realize that had I not lost that pregnancy, I would be around half way through my pregnancy. Then I've seen several announcements over the course of the last few weeks and they for some reason have really hit me hard.
I suppose it's partly anger over not being currently around 20weeks pregnant due to the early m/c mixed with anger and anxiety from the fact the next month is 2 years! REALLY!? 2 EFFING YEARS!? Come on universe, I know people who have had 2 babies and are baking the 3rd with in those 2 years and I don't even get 1!?
Ok, i'm done venting for now!
(((hugs))) Kayla! I'm sorry you are having a rough time! Remember that you are allowed to feel this way. I hope that 2013 turns out to be a good year!
ReplyDeleteDo you want to build a time machine and go back in time to slap yourself out of it at the time of this post now?
ReplyDeleteDan- yes and no. They were legit feelings at the time.
ReplyDelete