The Wild World of TTC & our current plan of action.

Trying to conceive is hard. It's not lots and lots of fun sex, pretty BBT charts,positive OPKs(ovulation tests) and BFPs. Anyone who will tell you other wise is either A) a dirty filthy liar or B) only tried for a few cycles before getting their BFP [bitches!]

There is an ugly side to TTC, a dark seedy underbelly. It's full of boring timed intercourse even though you don't want your husband's penis near you but you dare not skip having intercourse because you MIGHT be ovulating and you will kick yourself if you miss an opportunity, negative OPKs, or worse ... false positive OPKs due to your PCOS, erratic BBT charts, or BBT charts that give you false hope then rip it away a few days later, and of course the infamous B.F.F.N (big fat f'n negative) pregnancy test.

These things aren't so bad at first. Of course the first 3ish months of TTC, you're pretty hopeful and these things probably don't both you very much, if at all. Then about month 4 or 5 months into it you start getting frustrated, you think "why is this not working" ,or "what are we doing wrong" and you add a new herb, vitamin, or supplement to your routine and and go back to being hopeful because you know for sure this vitamin/tea/POM regime will work and you'll see that BFP soon. Well month 7 and 8 roll by..still no BFP and as you close in on the 9 month mark you start to LOSE.YOUR.SHIT. You realize that you are quickly approaching the dreaded 1 year mark that will leave you with  the "trouble trying to conceive" and "infertile" labels and that if you don't make a baby soon there are going to be lots of RE appts. in your near future. So you start doing everything you can think of: drinking green tea to help with cervical mucus production, using a sperm friendly lube, elevating your hips for 30 mins after sex because despite the research that it doesn't really help...'it can't hurt right'. you also have every vitamin and supplement that 'Dr Google' said might help.

Then it happens.. your temps look hopeful your OPKs looked positive to you and your online TTC buddies,not to mention you are have PG symptoms from hell through out your entire 2ww (two week wait, the two weeks between ovulation and your expected period/ positive pregnancy test). Finally you make it to the day of testing, you speed walk to the bathroom in the morning, pull out your pee cup (cause every TTCer has a certain cup), pee in the cup and on your hand cause lets face it ...we ladies can't aim. Then you excitedly dip the test into the cup, and watch as the peed goes across the test, the entire time thinking "omg that's a line, wait no, yea thats totally a line" then you blink and by the time your eyes refocus the 'line' in no longer visible..you wait the 3 mins, then pick up the test and look at it from every angle possible and in every lighting condition that is available to you at the moment. But no matter how much you squint or in what direction you tilt the test...there is no 2nd line...its a BFN. You try to tell your self that it could be wrong, or that you started testing a little too early,and that you will test again in a few days if AF doesn't show (but let's face it you're going to test again tomorrow). However when you enter your temps into your chart the next morning...you notice the temp drop and you know..you're out, this cycle is done for. So not wanting to see or speak to anyone that day you call in sick to work and spend the entire day in bed watching all the Harry Potter DVDs you got for xmas [ok so maybe that's just me].

Then, before you know it. It's month 12. You have officially passed the 'normal' length of time it takes the average couple to conceive.Needless to say, this is a hard place to be ... it's sad and lonely.


This is the place we have been in for many months now, I think we got there a few months early. And after getting the news that our insurance was not going to cover and testing or treatments we found ourselves at a cross road. Do we pursue testing and treatments and pay OOP, or  do we continue the trying as we have been with OPKs , BBT charts and trying our best to pin point my very erratic ovulation so we can have timed intercourse. Well at first the 2nd option sounded better, Eric and I both agreed that dumping money into treatments that may not work is not our best option right now, in the future for sure, but now now. But then I realized there was an option that I wasn't considering. Stop trying.

Thanks right folks, you heard me. We have stopped trying, for now. This is in no way a permanent thing. We are just on a TTC-cation, so to speak. no OPKs, to BBT charting, no checking cervical mucus. To hell with it all [for now]. This was a very hard decision, I was desperate to have a baby my the end of the year/ early 2013. But after nearly 14 months of fighting, I need a break. There are days that it's all I can think about , days that I can't breathe when I think about it and some days those two things overlap and it makes the day very very hard, to say the least. So for my own sanity, I'm done, for awhile.

The next few months im going to put all the energy that i've been putting into TTC in to my health and well-being and into my much neglected photography business. Last week I started the 'low amylose diet' that is suppose to work wonders for woman with PCOS, especially when you are also taking  MF. And I joined the gym at the end of Jan, and though i must admit I have fallen off the wagon the last 2 weeks,im ready to get back to it.

So, I am still going to be working toward improving my fertility with weight loss, diet and metformin but I dont want to see my BBT thermometer or an OPK for atleast 2 months, maybe longer. We'll just have to see how it goes. So its back to the slightly more peaceful world of 'not trying, not preventing' for awhile, I like it here..its much easier to breathe.

PCO...what?

Ok,  I was going to post this tomorrow or in a few days, but since I can't seem to sleep now, WHY NOT?! This is my "What is PCOS" post or the question I often get "PCO...what?"

For you ladies in the TTC world, y'all are probably pretty familiar with PCOS, so this post is mainly for friends and family who are interested& I haven't already explained it to.

Long story short: Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems such as depression, hair loss (male pattern baldness),excess growth of body hair and facial hair, acne, weight gain, & trouble losing weight. Also when left untreated can lead to diabetes and heart disease.

The exact cause of PCOS is unknown, many doctors link it to some degree of insulin resistance which causes the hormones to be imbalanced, thus causing the PCOS. PCOS does seem to have a genetic link. There is currently no cure for PCOS, but symptoms can be treated with birth control or often are treated with common diabetes medicines such as Metformin. Diet and exercise are also important in the treatment of PCOS, and some woman can even naturally "cure" their symptoms proper diet, exercise, and weight loss.

Ok that will it for now, cause I'm starting to feel sleepy. But I will probably expand on this later.If you have any questions,feel free to ask.

A History.

So I'm really not sure what to say, I guess I should introduce myself.

[quick warning for non-TTCers, we infertiles have a language of our own, I will do my best to explain these terms & abbreviations as I go]
My name is Kayla, I'm 23 years old, and I have an amazing husband Eric, who is 24. We have been together just about 4 years now and have been married about 1 1/2 years. We are, for lack of a better term, complete opposites. I'm pretty liberal, and he is.. well southern Baptist.. lol. But seriously, although we are quite different, we make it work, I say its cause we balance each other well [you know that whole yin yang theory].

Anyway, we were married October 30,2010 and started NTNP (not trying, not preventing) in  December of that year. The original plan was to NTNP for a year before actively TTC(trying to conceive), to give us some "couple time" that everyone suggests to newly married couples.I honestly thought that I would get pregnant in that time [oh to be young and dumb] However that plan changed in Jan 2011, AF (Aunt Flo) was late, and I was very excited at the possibility of being pregnant already...so I took a test BFN (big fat negative), took one a few days later...another BFN. Then a few days later AF finally reared her ugly red head... and stayed for 19 days. After about 14 days, I made a Drs appt and they got me in a week later, did some blood work, and the verdict was...elevated testosterone, aka, a tell tale sign of PCOS. It was no shock, I had had irregular and often absent cycles for years before going on the BCP(Birth Control Pill) when I met Eric.

I was referred to and Endocrinologist (not an RE(reproductive endocrinologist)) who put me on MF(Metformin), knowing that I was married and ready to start having kids,with the instructions to stop taking the MF if i find myself pregnant. Eric and I at this time decided to start the TTC process since it looked like it might be a long road(this is in Feb 2011) In May when I return for a check up and mention that Eric and I started TTC and the Dr. takes me off the MF because they want me to "try naturally for 6 months". Seemed like a waste of time to me, but the write they RXs, so its hard to argue...also I think I was still pretty naive and hopeful at the time.

So August rolled around still no baby, and it was time for another check-up. During the check-up the nurse practitioner asked me if my cycles and gotten any longer and I told her yes, since my most recent cycle had been 88 days long.At that point she decided to put me back on MF to treat the long cycles (since its not an RE office, they technically cant help with the TTC part of the equation) and tells me to give it 3-6 months to really take effect, and if its not helping after 6 months then they can refer me to a RE (6 months from then is also when we would hit our 1year TTC mark).

So that's pretty much where we are now, i've been on MF for 7 months, still no baby. We made an appt with an RE but after discovering that our [shitty] insurance wasn't going to cover anything, we had to cancel, paying for treatments completely OOP (out of pocket)will add up too fast. So for now we are continuing to try with just MF(and a long list of vitamins and herbs) until we either A) have better insurance or B) have enough money saved up for treatments(after buying a home..so that will be years down the road). Luckily, the MF seems like it might be helping my last 2 cycles have all been 46 days and 34 days.. (much better than 88 and 114) , one of those cycles I even ovulated (confirmed though BBT(basal body temperature) and I am currently on CD29 (cycle day 29) and 7dpo(7 days past ovulation) this cycle. We are hoping this will be it and it will finally be our turn. After a year battling PCOS, I sure hope so.

Sorry if  this was too long, I figured I'd get out TTC history out of the way in the first post. I don't know what else to say so I'll post again when I figure it out.