The Wild World of TTC & our current plan of action.

Trying to conceive is hard. It's not lots and lots of fun sex, pretty BBT charts,positive OPKs(ovulation tests) and BFPs. Anyone who will tell you other wise is either A) a dirty filthy liar or B) only tried for a few cycles before getting their BFP [bitches!]

There is an ugly side to TTC, a dark seedy underbelly. It's full of boring timed intercourse even though you don't want your husband's penis near you but you dare not skip having intercourse because you MIGHT be ovulating and you will kick yourself if you miss an opportunity, negative OPKs, or worse ... false positive OPKs due to your PCOS, erratic BBT charts, or BBT charts that give you false hope then rip it away a few days later, and of course the infamous B.F.F.N (big fat f'n negative) pregnancy test.

These things aren't so bad at first. Of course the first 3ish months of TTC, you're pretty hopeful and these things probably don't both you very much, if at all. Then about month 4 or 5 months into it you start getting frustrated, you think "why is this not working" ,or "what are we doing wrong" and you add a new herb, vitamin, or supplement to your routine and and go back to being hopeful because you know for sure this vitamin/tea/POM regime will work and you'll see that BFP soon. Well month 7 and 8 roll by..still no BFP and as you close in on the 9 month mark you start to LOSE.YOUR.SHIT. You realize that you are quickly approaching the dreaded 1 year mark that will leave you with  the "trouble trying to conceive" and "infertile" labels and that if you don't make a baby soon there are going to be lots of RE appts. in your near future. So you start doing everything you can think of: drinking green tea to help with cervical mucus production, using a sperm friendly lube, elevating your hips for 30 mins after sex because despite the research that it doesn't really help...'it can't hurt right'. you also have every vitamin and supplement that 'Dr Google' said might help.

Then it happens.. your temps look hopeful your OPKs looked positive to you and your online TTC buddies,not to mention you are have PG symptoms from hell through out your entire 2ww (two week wait, the two weeks between ovulation and your expected period/ positive pregnancy test). Finally you make it to the day of testing, you speed walk to the bathroom in the morning, pull out your pee cup (cause every TTCer has a certain cup), pee in the cup and on your hand cause lets face it ...we ladies can't aim. Then you excitedly dip the test into the cup, and watch as the peed goes across the test, the entire time thinking "omg that's a line, wait no, yea thats totally a line" then you blink and by the time your eyes refocus the 'line' in no longer visible..you wait the 3 mins, then pick up the test and look at it from every angle possible and in every lighting condition that is available to you at the moment. But no matter how much you squint or in what direction you tilt the test...there is no 2nd line...its a BFN. You try to tell your self that it could be wrong, or that you started testing a little too early,and that you will test again in a few days if AF doesn't show (but let's face it you're going to test again tomorrow). However when you enter your temps into your chart the next morning...you notice the temp drop and you know..you're out, this cycle is done for. So not wanting to see or speak to anyone that day you call in sick to work and spend the entire day in bed watching all the Harry Potter DVDs you got for xmas [ok so maybe that's just me].

Then, before you know it. It's month 12. You have officially passed the 'normal' length of time it takes the average couple to conceive.Needless to say, this is a hard place to be ... it's sad and lonely.


This is the place we have been in for many months now, I think we got there a few months early. And after getting the news that our insurance was not going to cover and testing or treatments we found ourselves at a cross road. Do we pursue testing and treatments and pay OOP, or  do we continue the trying as we have been with OPKs , BBT charts and trying our best to pin point my very erratic ovulation so we can have timed intercourse. Well at first the 2nd option sounded better, Eric and I both agreed that dumping money into treatments that may not work is not our best option right now, in the future for sure, but now now. But then I realized there was an option that I wasn't considering. Stop trying.

Thanks right folks, you heard me. We have stopped trying, for now. This is in no way a permanent thing. We are just on a TTC-cation, so to speak. no OPKs, to BBT charting, no checking cervical mucus. To hell with it all [for now]. This was a very hard decision, I was desperate to have a baby my the end of the year/ early 2013. But after nearly 14 months of fighting, I need a break. There are days that it's all I can think about , days that I can't breathe when I think about it and some days those two things overlap and it makes the day very very hard, to say the least. So for my own sanity, I'm done, for awhile.

The next few months im going to put all the energy that i've been putting into TTC in to my health and well-being and into my much neglected photography business. Last week I started the 'low amylose diet' that is suppose to work wonders for woman with PCOS, especially when you are also taking  MF. And I joined the gym at the end of Jan, and though i must admit I have fallen off the wagon the last 2 weeks,im ready to get back to it.

So, I am still going to be working toward improving my fertility with weight loss, diet and metformin but I dont want to see my BBT thermometer or an OPK for atleast 2 months, maybe longer. We'll just have to see how it goes. So its back to the slightly more peaceful world of 'not trying, not preventing' for awhile, I like it here..its much easier to breathe.