26 weeks!

Seriously, where has the time gone!!? I am nearly in my 3rd trimester, my baby shower is scheduled and just over a month away, i'm starting to plan my maternity pics for the end of Aug. or early Sept., and it hit me the other day that we are only 10 weeks away from being able safely be able to deliver at home (our midwife starts delivering at at home/ at the birthing center at 36 weeks)! YIKES! Things are getting REAL! 

Lennon is definitely getting strong, she is very very active and I feel her movements pretty much all day and all night. I swear this baby never sleeps! She seems to be most active in the morning when I first wake up, this is my favorite time of day, I've started staying in bed for 30 mins or so every morning and having some "Momee/Lennon time" .  She has started kicking me back sometimes when if I poke at her, and I can actually see some her big kicks or hiccups. Also, a few weeks ago,at about 24 weeks,  Eric finally got to feel her move once. But it wasn't until the other morning that he really got to see how active she was, we had both just woke up, so of course she was super active and he got to feel her move, kick, and squirm for about 15 mins!

We had another check up and Lennon is still growing good and her heartbeat is still holding at a strong 160bpm! Other than that, there wasn't much else note worthy about the appointment. I go back in a little over 2 weeks and that will be the start of my "every 2 weeks appointments"... again, things are starting to get REALLY REAL!

So now for some stats and pic update!..

How far along? 26w3d
How big is baby? about the size of a head of lettuce.                                                                    
How I'm feeling? Starting to get a little anxious!
Weight Gain? I was 238.5  at my check up , which is up about 2 lbs from last visit and 8-ish lbs from the beginning of my pregnancy.
 How I'm changing? Looking more and more pregnant every day!
Symptoms? Mostly just some aches and pains, but going to the chiropractor def helps!!              
 Highlights from the past few weeks:  having Eric get to feel her kick, and being able to see some of her kicks! I also love that her active times are getting regular, they are my favorite times of the day!

oh and I share this with great hesitance, because well .. no one really needs to see my big bare belly

but for ya'll's viewing pleasure, Lennon kicking the heck out of me a few mornings ago: 

Well that's it for now!
Peace & Love Ya'll!

Quick Update-23weeks

So I realize that I didn't update after our last check-up like I had planned, but there wasn't a whole lot to update. I got there and they were still eating lunch, so I got to enjoy some super yummy pizza as we sat around cutting up & talking about random, non-pregnancy related things for about 30 mins.

Once we made it back into the prenatal room, we discussed weight gain (which was right where it needed to be! YAY!) and results from my labs, which were also all good! Lennon was again stubborn and wanted to kick the doppler and squirm around while Becca was trying to find her heartbeat, which was still a strong 160bpm! Everything looks good, Lennon is growing and healthy and I am doing well. I'm a little nervous about the gestational diabetes test that will be coming up soon, PCOS puts you at a higher risk for GD and I know I haven't been eating as good as I should.

In other news, her movements are getting very strong. There's been  few times that they have actually startled me a little because they were so strong. Also our cloth diaper stash is , for the most part, complete!! I am ridiculously excited to see all the cute fluff on her booty! lol!

Welp, that's about it. Nothing too exciting.... well except the cloth diaper news... but i'm sure most people don't find that as exciting as I do.

Half baked- 20 weeks!

I cannot believe I'm already 20 weeks (and 5 days, yea i'm a little late on this update..sue me! ) I'm so excited to be getting closer but it still feels like such a long time until our baby will be here! We had our anatomy scan done a little over a week ago and after giving us lots and lots of trouble 'Sunshine' FINALLY cooperated and let us see that she's a little GIRL, which I had been suspecting for a while. As far as I know everything else looked good, the tech obviously never tells you anything but I haven't heard anything from my midwife, whom I've seen/ talked to several times since, so I assume no news is good news.

The Friday that we had the a/s we also had a gender reveal get-together w/ our families and close friends. Needless to say I am so excited that we are having a girl, I'm so ready to buy bows, dresses and frilly stuff! My mom is so excited, partly because we are a very "female dominated" family and I think partly because we have chose to carry on the family tradition of the name "Dena", which is her and her grandmother's name. It actually goes back in the family much further than that, from what i'm told the name has been being passed down for 500-600 years. Eric's mom is also very excited, since she only had boys.

I'm starting to feel her move a lot, at least several times a day and the movements are getting pretty strong too. I still can't feel her move from the outside though, and Eric is very anxious to feel her! Also, i've started cleaning out the room that will be the nursery and one of my BFFs, Katie, came over and helped by spackling some holes and cracks for me. Despite feeling her move, her having a name, and starting on her nursery, it still doesn't feel real. I know i'm going to have a baby, but the fact that she will be MY daughter still hasn't sunk it. I'm sure it will randomly hit me once we get closer I'm really hoping that these next 20 weeks will go by fairly quickly with so much to do to get ready, between starting work on a birth plan and 

birth classes, a baby shower, and getting the nursery painted and ready!

So time for the updated stats:

How far along? 20w5d                
How big is baby? Almost this size of a pomegranate                                                                       
How I'm feeling? pretty good!!                                  
Weight Gain? Im about 235 right now, which puts me 5-ish lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight and                                             
 How I'm changing? I would say i'm actually starting to look pregnant!! and my boobs are out of control lol!                                                                                     
Symptoms? Still tired and a little achey. Oh and im pretty sure my boobs are going to fall off my body!  Cravings? BBQ!                               
 Highlights from the past few weeks: Seeing out baby on the u/s again, she was being soo squirmy, finding out the gender, and starting to feel her  move around all day long! 

Oh and for a few updated pics:

The 20 week 'half baked' bump! <3

And a few new pics of our baby girl 

Dena Lennon

Well that's all for now, I have a check up with my midwife next week and i'll update after that!

17 weeks.

Holy smokes! I'm 17 weeks, our baby is nearly half baked..and it still hasn't 100% sunk in that I am going to have a baby!! Not much has been going to lately, so there hasn't been much to update about. We had a check-up with our midwife today. Everything seems to be going well, Sunshine seems to be growing well and we should have an ultrasound soon to find out the gender! I'm really hoping for a girl, and Eric is of course hoping for a boy, but we obviously don't really care.I got to hear his/her heartbeat again today,it was still a nice strong 150bpm but before we found the heartbeat, we (we being myself and the midwives, Eric couldn't make it) got to hear the baby kicking the doppler every time Rebecca would press it down and we heard some hiccups, which was pretty awesome.  Right about 16 weeks I started feeling what felt like little 'flutters', I wasn't sure at first but here in the last few days there is no doubt in my mind that it is real baby movements!

so now for some quick stats:

How far along? 17weeks 2/3days

How big is baby? the size of an onion.
How I'm feeling? Good! Though I'm starting to realize that October really isn't that far away and we have a lot to do/ get/
Weight Gain? I've gained back a few lbs. so i'm about 1-2 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight now and gained 5 since my last appointment.

How I'm changing? I'm actually starting to look pregnant! YAY!
Symptoms? Not much, occasional nausea from different smells.
Cravings? Fried rice and sushi, crunch rolls to be exact. 
Highlights from the past few week: feeling some flutters and hearing his/her hiccups

Here's a belly pic from today! Compared to my 4 week pic that i took the day of my BFP.. i def look knocked up!

Well that's it until out next ultrasound! 

NIAW- Our Journey, being 1 in 8.

Though I am currently pregnant, I still feel like it is important to raise awareness of infertility. There is still so much misinformation and ignorance surrounding infertility. So many people do not understand that it is a disease that does not just go away when you "relax", "stop trying", "go on vacation" or "just adopt". I want to share mine and Eric's story, not only to maybe give hope to those still struggling, but to show that infertility is real, devastating,and happens to people you know, including young newlywed couples. 

I always had a fear that I would be unable to have children, I had irregular cycles, to the point I would go YEARS with out one.I never went to the Dr. because I was scared of what I would be told. Then when I was 19, I met Eric, and BOOM, my cycles were nearly clockwork(even before i was on birth control)..weird, I know. But as my irregular/ absent cycles became a thing of the past and Eric and I got more serious, he shared with me that there was a small chance he might not be able to have children. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma at 19 and was told he may be sterile after treatment.

Fast forward to 2010. I stopped taking birth control in August, we got married in October, but continued to use protection until December. At that point we decided to throw caution to the wind and see what happened. I was 22, Eric was just a few weeks shy of 23 & at that point I honestly thought I would be pregnant with in a few months. January rolled around and I was "late"...after a week or so & several negative pregnancy test, I finally got my period... and 19 days later, I was still on my period. I made an appointment to see my family doctor and after test and blood work, I was diagnosed with PCOS. PCOS , in short is a hormonal imbalance which, among other issues also can cause a woman not to ovulate or ovulate irregularly . It is the leading cause of infertility and affects 1 in 10 women and girls.

At this point I was put on medicine that the Dr. told me would help me lose weight and regulate my cycles. I was also told that PCOS would make it difficult for me to have children. After some discussion,Eric and I decided to start trying, though at the time we weren't sure of all that meant. I started the medicine, called metformin, and started trying to educate myself about PCOS and ways to maximize my fertility. With in the next few months I started trying to track my ovulation, only to to discover that I was not ovulating at all. But after months on the metformin, my cycles were not regulating, I was not ovulating, and I was not seeing any improvement in my other symptoms.

As we approached our 1 year mark of trying in 2012 we started looking into seeing a fertility specialist, only to discover that our overpriced insurance would not cover any treatment. I was devastated that our only option was to keep trying methods that were not producing any results. We did decide to get Eric checked out, since it was a very simple and inexpensive test. Luckily, everything came back normal, his cancer and treatments had no effect on his fertility. This was a huge weight off our shoulders, but I was still a long way from where I needed to be to conceive.Willing to try anything at this point, when my friend Jessica's mom, Lora,who had just became a certified herbalist, asked if I wanted to try using herbs to try to treat my symptoms,  I was willing to give it a shot, though I will admit I was skeptical. 

She started me on a herbal tea and tincture, and also recommended the Paleo Diet to me. With in a few months I noticed a difference in the way I felt and in my cycles. Then something magical happened, I ovulated and then ovulated again the next month! September rolled around and as usual, as I neared the time I was expecting my period... I started peeing on pregnancy test like crazy. I was shocked on Sept 21, 2012, I got not 1 but 6 positive pregnancy tests! I was in shock, I woke up Eric and told him and the next morning told a few close friends. However, that evening I started spotting and by Sunday I was bleeding heavily, I knew at that point that the pregnancy was over.We were both heartbroken, I was angry at my body, at the universe, and at God. I was angry that after almost 2 years, I was finally able to conceive, only to lose the pregnancy 24 hours later. After consulting with my Dr, we were cleared to start trying again right away. However we decided to take a little break, I needed some time to get my head on straight before we started on that roller coaster again. So we took the next 2 cycles  "off", though I still worked on losing weight and improving my fertility. In that time I lost a few more lbs and started on some new herbs per recommendation of my herbalist. 

We officially started trying again in late November, shortly after moving into our first home. In Jan I was getting to schedule my annual 'well woman exam' with my OB/gyn and was debating on whether or not I wanted to talk to him about taking Clomid, a fertility drug for a few cylces. I wasn't sure if we would be able to afford it, but i figured it was worth talking to him about. Well, I decided to put off my appointment for a month or so, so I could lose a bit more weight, in case the Clomid was an option. 

However on January 31, nearly 2 years to the day from when we started trying. I noticed that my cycle was a few days late. So as always, I dug out my stash of pregnancy tests and took my very last one. I was shocked to see the word "Pregnant" appear. I proceeded to take many, many more test... all which were positive. With in the next week, I saw the doctor and had a few blood test that confirmed that this looked to be a viable pregnancy!

I must say I feel incredibly lucky, despite the ups and downs of our 2 year journey, I had a a wonderful support system. My husband, family, friends, and a large online support group of women going through the same issues.However, though I always had a fear that I would not be able to have children, nothing could have prepared me for the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage that infertility causes. You can't imagine how hard it is to see everyone around you getting pregnant, often on accident. You can't imagine how hard Christmas, Easter,  Mother & Father's day, and just about any holiday is when you long for a child to spend those holidays with. You can't imagine the strain it puts on your self-esteem, self worth, and  your marriage when you can't make your husband a father. You can't imagine living your life childless and never being to look into the face of a child and see a life that you and your husband created together. You can't imagine or fully understand these things unless you've been there. Those are things that I wish no one ,including myself, ever had to experience.  Sadly, 1 in 8 couples deal with that reality. These are people that are your friends, family members, & coworkers and these couples need support, compassion, and as much understanding as you can possibly have. To better understand how you can support a couple dealing with infertility, check this out!  

Suck it up and thank God.

I think I am going to make that my motto for awhile. I've tried pretty hard throughout the beginning of my pregnancy to not complain about feeling lousy, some days have been harder than others but I AM thankful for every symptom that lets me know our Sunshine is growing. The last few weeks have been quite the test, to say the least. Most things I have read say that at this point my nausea should be easing up... most things lie! Mine has gone from barely there to short reenactments of the pea soup scene from The Exorcist . Mainly when I brush my teeth, for some reason...that's the worst!

But on one particularly bad night, I woke up Eric on accident, and once I got back to bed he was trying to comfort me, telling me how sorry he was that I had to feel like crap and he asked if I was going to be okay to which I responded "it's okay, I'm just going to suck it up and thank God" he looked at me with a look of amazement that I was so positive after losing everything I had eaten in the past week. But to be honest even though pregnancy is far from sunshine and rainbow 24/7 for 9 months, I don't see how women can say they 'hate it'... I have a life inside of me, a human being.. that will one day walk on this earth and be an individual, which is not only cool and magical, but a little mind  blowing when I really ponder the 'circle of life' factor of it.

Bloat & Baby Bump....

So to the unaware passer-by I just look like a fat girl...(nothing new there!-lol) and if no one knew it would just look like I put on some weight...but actually, i've lost about 7 lbs between my first and last check-ups, which puts me at 3lbs under pre-pregnancy weight . So even though most of this is probably just bloat and my now grapefruit sized uterus pushing my already existent fat out... i'm totally gonna rock it as a baby bump. Why not!? I'm pregnant, I can! :) PS: I totally took the '4 week' photo before I found out that I was pregnant, because I was looking pretty skinny that day, I just happened to get my BFP that same day, but it works for a good "starting point" pic.

So I am nearly 15 weeks and for October seems so insanely far away! I'm still experiencing some nausea and i'm still rarely hungry with the exception of random cravings!!  Some recent cravings have been fudge, to be specific my ex-boss' peanut butter fudge, Casa Ole salsa & chips, and Chick-fil-a (which anyone that knows me know that I haven't eaten their hate-filled chicken in YEARS, so it's weird to be craving it) ! Other than that, nothing much is new. We have a few more weeks until my next check-up and hopefully soon after we will have an u/s to find out the sex of the baby! I cannot wait! I am obsessed with looking at all things girl right now, nursery colors, clothes, bows, oh how I hope this baby is a girl!! Boy stuff is not as fun!! lol.