Let's pick up the pieces

Tonight, I am broken. After getting my hopes up about E's new job having insurance, I was informed that it is too expensive ($800/ month), and basically isn't worth it for us to use (has a $7,500 deductible, YIKES!) So even if we were to pay the monthly premium most of our RE visits would still be OOP, unless we got up to the point of IVF.

I lost my shit tonight. We had a plan. He got this job that had insurance(not the only reason he took the job, but it was a big plus), then insurance was going to take affect around the beginning of the year. I was going to spend the rest of the year focusing on losing more weight so I could be healthy when we went to the RE once the insurance kicked in.

Plan Shman. Life just shit all over that plan.

So we will continue with weight loss, herbs, temp, etc etc fucking etc.

I'm so annoyed, 13 year olds get babies, meth heads get babies, people who don't want babies ...get babies... naturally, easily, with out ever charting a BBT temp, taking an OPK, or trying to carefully time intercourse ...they just fuck their boyfriend/drug dealer/ husband/random one night stand.. and VOILA! there's a baby!!! But when I try to make my wonderful, hardworking husband a father.... nope, sorry, out of order!!

Can you tell I'm a little tiny bit pissed off tonight?

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed, maybe have a few minutes of prayer and meditation to whatever entity or forces control this universe to TRY to understand this, Then I'm going to wake up in the morning... Hope  back on the diet wagon (i've been struggling this week) and suck it up. Sitting here miserable is not going to make me a baby. So tomorrow, I will pick up the pieces , but for tonight I cry, scream, & cuss!!